A few months back, I was struggling trying to figure what’s the best way to spend more time with BBoss. I grew up in a family where my dad wanted my mom to be a housewife and she willingly did it cos they both believed (and still do) that we should be looking after our own kids. I guess naturally I’ll feel the same way too? But then ah.. I don’t think I can tahan being a SAHM for long cos I’m such a boring mom and I won’t have many activities for my kid(s) if I stay home whole day 😂 and of cos, I want the money la.
At that time, I also happened to listen to a syarahan by a Singaporean ustazah who mentioned that the first 7 years of a child’s life are the most crucial years for parents to spend time with them. Cos these 7 years will determine how the kids view us (choose what you wanna be: a never around parent, a friend to go to, etc). However, being a Singaporean, she’s aware that it’s kinda tough in this expensive city and sometimes dual income is required. So she shared if circumstances do not allow us such an opportunity, we should make as much effort as possible whenever we’re around our children. Up to each of us to define what quality time is. 😬 this made me think even more.
Around that time, I was also at a talk by a retired high ranking govt official who said that there’s no such thing as balance. It’s either you do well at work (climb corporate ladder) or you focus all your attention on kids. She mentioned that she didn’t have to focus on her kids cos she had lotsa help and thus she could climb really high. She said she kinda regretted that though. So she advised: career women will have to decide what we want at that moment of our life. If you’re pregnant and then on maternity leave, just accept that you can’t be at 2 places at one time and just let work go. Work can wait but children grow up really fast and you can’t relive those moments. If your peers are climbing while you’re away, so be it. (Yalah senang je ckp kan lol)
What does MrF say to all these? He said up to me as long as I know how to live my life simply once I become a SAHM. Lol. I think he must have gotten irritated after a while cos I kept talking about it but not deciding anything. It’s just soooo hard to let work goooo. My own moneeeeyyyy 😭
I think between MrF and me, he makes the better stay at home parent. He’s good at layan-ing children. I’m only good at “layan-ing” teenagers (ie scold them to do hw or focus – that’s why I prefer teaching secondary when I did tuition back then).
Haha so after a few months of such thoughts, what have I done? Lol
No life changing decision made yet 😒. Actually life might be a little worse than before cos my hours are crazily long at the new place. I’m still trying to find that comfortable spot. Last week I randomly took 1.5 days urgent leave cos BBoss didn’t get to see me much in the last 2 weeks and he was horribly cranky and clingy. I don’t know if it’s a phase or we’re just being overly sensitive, but we’re attributing it to me not being around. MrF thinks BBoss is resisting sleep (there was a night that he stayed up till 2am and woke up at 6am and MrF was on 5 nights shift omg my precious nights) I went to work like a zombie with a horrible headache. Anyway the theory is he’s staying up late so he can see more of me.
Anyway the 1.5days leave was good for us I feel. I brought BBoss out and had our us time. He saw so much of me that it was easy to go work the next day. He woke up, cried a bit, I explained I have to work and then he waved and hugged me goodbye. Typical mornings are usually: cling cling cling and screaming “no mama! No mama! Buka! Buka!”
“Buka” – buka tudung. He hates to see me put on my tudung so I always have difficulty getting ready even when I’m going out with him cos he relates tudung to me going work. 😖
Anyway thankfully the break reset his sleeping time. I guess for now, I have to take such random short breaks and spend at least 1 full day with him alone to make BBoss happy till I work out my SAHM plans.