Weaning woes

Aim: to breastfeed BBoss for 2 years.

End point: 16 Jan 2019

Plan: start from 16 Jan 2018 cos I thought give him a year to get used to the idea. Lol. Obviously, weaning process didn’t take off la cos I didn’t really have a proper plan. Once a while I will just mention to BBoss “by 2yo, no more milk ok?” but when he asked for milk, I just offered 💆🏻‍♀️ I also don’t want to put chilli, asam, blood, whatsoever la to scare him off. Good right, no plan? Lol.

Approximately 1.5mth away from weaning deadline, I’m not sure what’s my status. Last night, I had the worst weaning situation ever. It was impromptu. I got pissed with MrF (typical cause of argument: he busy sleeping while I was working hard to console BBoss) so I made him handle BBoss at night. BBoss will usually wake up and look for boob and in BBoss’ groggy sleepy state, he only wants that. Not even his fav Bapak can console him. Cos of my pissy mood, I persevered in not giving him boob. MrF worked really hard trying to put him back to sleep without boob. End up BBoss lost his voice from all the screaming and started having runny nose cos of the tears. I realised he was losing his voice after 4 hours and then quickly took BBoss back.

Some more, BBoss just went to a new school this week. I think I have also chosen the wrong time to suddenly start weaning. Cos of his bad crying last night, he went to school crying like crazy and also puked on the teacher this morn.

I think this is one of my worst mummy guilt ever. And so, I conclude I’ll just let it be la. My effort now is doa banyak2 that he’ll wean naturally by 2 💪🏻 and I won’t forcefully make him wean la.

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Finding a balance

A few months back, I was struggling trying to figure what’s the best way to spend more time with BBoss. I grew up in a family where my dad wanted my mom to be a housewife and she willingly did it cos they both believed (and still do) that we should be looking after our own kids. I guess naturally I’ll feel the same way too? But then ah.. I don’t think I can tahan being a SAHM for long cos I’m such a boring mom and I won’t have many activities for my kid(s) if I stay home whole day 😂 and of cos, I want the money la.

At that time, I also happened to listen to a syarahan by a Singaporean ustazah who mentioned that the first 7 years of a child’s life are the most crucial years for parents to spend time with them. Cos these 7 years will determine how the kids view us (choose what you wanna be: a never around parent, a friend to go to, etc). However, being a Singaporean, she’s aware that it’s kinda tough in this expensive city and sometimes dual income is required. So she shared if circumstances do not allow us such an opportunity, we should make as much effort as possible whenever we’re around our children. Up to each of us to define what quality time is. 😬 this made me think even more.

Around that time, I was also at a talk by a retired high ranking govt official who said that there’s no such thing as balance. It’s either you do well at work (climb corporate ladder) or you focus all your attention on kids. She mentioned that she didn’t have to focus on her kids cos she had lotsa help and thus she could climb really high. She said she kinda regretted that though. So she advised: career women will have to decide what we want at that moment of our life. If you’re pregnant and then on maternity leave, just accept that you can’t be at 2 places at one time and just let work go. Work can wait but children grow up really fast and you can’t relive those moments. If your peers are climbing while you’re away, so be it. (Yalah senang je ckp kan lol)

What does MrF say to all these? He said up to me as long as I know how to live my life simply once I become a SAHM. Lol. I think he must have gotten irritated after a while cos I kept talking about it but not deciding anything. It’s just soooo hard to let work goooo. My own moneeeeyyyy 😭

I think between MrF and me, he makes the better stay at home parent. He’s good at layan-ing children. I’m only good at “layan-ing” teenagers (ie scold them to do hw or focus – that’s why I prefer teaching secondary when I did tuition back then).

Haha so after a few months of such thoughts, what have I done? Lol

No life changing decision made yet 😒. Actually life might be a little worse than before cos my hours are crazily long at the new place. I’m still trying to find that comfortable spot. Last week I randomly took 1.5 days urgent leave cos BBoss didn’t get to see me much in the last 2 weeks and he was horribly cranky and clingy. I don’t know if it’s a phase or we’re just being overly sensitive, but we’re attributing it to me not being around. MrF thinks BBoss is resisting sleep (there was a night that he stayed up till 2am and woke up at 6am and MrF was on 5 nights shift omg my precious nights) I went to work like a zombie with a horrible headache. Anyway the theory is he’s staying up late so he can see more of me.

Anyway the 1.5days leave was good for us I feel. I brought BBoss out and had our us time. He saw so much of me that it was easy to go work the next day. He woke up, cried a bit, I explained I have to work and then he waved and hugged me goodbye. Typical mornings are usually: cling cling cling and screaming “no mama! No mama! Buka! Buka!”

“Buka” – buka tudung. He hates to see me put on my tudung so I always have difficulty getting ready even when I’m going out with him cos he relates tudung to me going work. 😖

Anyway thankfully the break reset his sleeping time. I guess for now, I have to take such random short breaks and spend at least 1 full day with him alone to make BBoss happy till I work out my SAHM plans.

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His time has come

My dad was a bedridden patient for years. From being a very active teacher to a bedridden patient. He was home cared by my awesome mom. Towards the final 1.5 years he lost his ability to move (except left arm) and to talk. Everything was by signal. We thought it must be really tough for both of them. One suffering from being stuck in a voiceless and no movement body and the other having to take care of a sick husband 24/7.

My 3 sisters and I grew up with just my parents cos we don’t have that many relatives. Our grandparents were gone before we came out or when we were really young. My dad was the sole breadwinner as he didn’t want his children to be brought up elsewhere or by anyone else.

There’s this Hadith about having daughters and if you bring them up well, they will land you in Jannah. I hope this works for my parents. They may not be the most exceptional Muslims but I guess the 4 daughters ended up alright?

13 Oct 2018, my dad passed on. He battled the last hour by himself and we only noticed towards the end. Moga-moga husnul khatimah. He looked really calm. He wanted to take his last breath at my place (originally theirs) and luckily we managed to get that for him. He closed his eyes while looking at my mom. Awww. I hope the years of suffering was enough to wash all his sins away. May he not suffer in kubur and may he be placed with the pious.

We always wondered how this day would turn out cos my dad didn’t have sons or brothers to help him out. We were happy to see so many of his fellow cikgus and students came. Even the paramedic who came happened to be his ex student. His kampong friends came too. Neighbours I don’t know of also appeared. There was so much gotong royong happening.

Alhamdulillah, things happened smoothly and we are truly happy and thankful for it.

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Calling all mummies and little ones! 4 Aug! Onz boh?

Alright, like what was mentioned in the previous post, Kraken and I would like to organise a play date in the North (indoor) from 2-4pm.

No pressure kinda session; just a session to get to know more mummies and let our babies play by the side. Only mummies and babies around so we don’t have to worry if any of the babies acts up that day.

For it to happen, we need fellow mummies’ support! It’s gonna be FREE cos we’re not venturing into this business. So think no more and click – Register here! 😁

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August play date

I bonded with 2 other WordPress bloggers sometime in 2015-2016. We got closer and created a whatsapp group: “WordPress wives” first then changed it to “WordPress mummies” 😂

Recently, we were just reminiscing how we survived being first time mummies (FTM). I think one of the reasons it wasn’t that crazy was cos we had each other to chit chat with. There were even times we were busy chatting at 2-4am cos you know la we sambil2 chit chat while we do our mummy duties at night. We didn’t compare/compete how our babies were doing (it’s just quite irritating how some mummies do that right? Hehe) but we usually listen to each other’s issues, give ideas kindly and we try to cheer each other up if we have no other help to offer. Whatever it is, we try to create a positive environment for each other 😍

I have really benefited a lot by having fellow FTMs around to chat and check on stuff with. If we don’t help fellow mummies, who else will right?

Since we quite the yaya papaya haha! We thought we can organise a play date and meet up with other bloggers who also had babies recently. Who knows we might meet more mummies and we all can share share our experiences? Or maybe during the play date we can connect other mummies who have babies from the same month like Kraken Mummy and me.

Tentatively, it’s gonna be held on 4 Aug afternoon. Venue TBC. Indoor or outdoors, feel free to comment! We’re still deciding depending on how the response is. If anyone is interested, feel free to leave a comment here or at Kraken Mummy’s latest post!

Let’s make this happen! InsyaAllah!

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Aduh bibikku

Haha I’ve never watched the show before but I’ve heard of it. I think having a bibik at home is enough drama for my life. No need to watch any tv programmes haha

My family started having a bibik in Nov 2015 when my dad got really sick. She was to help my mom care for my dad and also with housework. That first bibik was so so so horrible. First of all, she’s rather gelojoh sorry had to use that word. She will tak malunye amik makanan dulu even before my dad! We don’t even do that. Abeh amik byk plak tu! And then my mom being a super gullible makcik aiyoh 🤦🏻‍♀️ end up doing 80% of the work? She also asked my mom for an iPhone and money 😤. Luckily my mom not as savvy as to know how to buy an iPhone but money wise hmm we couldn’t control. Sad to say that woman cheated my mom of $2000. Her departure was rather dramatic. It was Oct 2016. She came out of the toilet sobbing saying her daughter died. God knows how she got news in the toilet. My mom was alone with her and she believed her story and called us to book her a flight ticket. We did without questioning and we were all duped. My Kakak sent her to the gate and just before entering she said “anak saya tak mati.” Ni case mati hidup semula 🙄

We concluded she cooked up a story cos my dad was coming back home from hosp full time and he required a lot of help. She knew she couldn’t escape work already. So she found a way out after she “borrowed” money from my mom. It’s hilarious how my 3rd sister sent her scary messages on fb (like tak halal. Tak takut Allah blah blah blah) but too bad she ignored the messages 😂

We had about 2 months being bibik-less. Housework was ok cos MrF and I do our share but we knew my mom was getting tired handling my dad alone and she will secretly try to do our part of the housework when we’re at work. Furthermore I was going to give birth already. We definitely need the extra pair of hands when I go back work. So we got bibik no2.

She’s a good one. Not sure if it’s cos we compared her to No1. 😆 First time working but she’s good at housework and laundry. She can also help with my dad. She was a little moody at first cos she was homesick but she was determined to get over it. After 2 months, she was smiling and laughing. She’s actually good with kids but I only noticed that after I went back to work. She didn’t handle BBoss much when I was on ML and NPL. Maybe I looked very territorial haha! Yalah FTM kan 🙄 son so precious.

I guess no one ever liked having a non-family in their home. Initially, it took me a while to get used to it. As much as I don’t like it, I can’t do much about it cos we really needed one. Hehe. However, the moment my parents moved out, I was determined to let bibik go. Reasons being:

  1. MrF works shift and there’ll be hours when they’ll be alone at home. Awkward situation there.
  2. I don’t quite trust a bibik caring for BBoss alone without any monitoring. No matter how much she loves BBoss, there might be PMSy days and boy, we all know how those days can be. We installed CCTVs but we were just not comfortable.
  3. BBoss is spending too much time alone with bibik. I’m out of the house from 730am to 7pm. He only gets to see me for 1-2h max per weekday? I’m so afraid he’ll be closer to her than me and what if he starts speaking Indonesian? 😱
  4. I think it’s time we settle things ourselves. A bit too luxurious to have a bibik now. Maybe when we have 3 kids and I’m up to my neck settling everything myself?

In my previous post, I mentioned that I found a transfer for her but she thought about it for a while and decided that she wanted to go home instead. She hasn’t seen her daughters for more than 2 years 😱 and no additional salary would be enough when compared to how much she misses her daughters. She was also worried that she won’t get an employer as nice as me (muahahahaha!)

So today is the final day that we have bibik no2 with us. I will be sending her off tomorrow on Vesak Day morning.

If anyone has tips on how to manage a household and toddler with a full time work, do share! My only concern now is ending work at 6pm (they btr not have last min meeting which can end after 6 😤) and running back to make sure I make it back by 7pm to fetch him from IFC. Maybe I will be a sprinter after a few months of doing this hurhurBismillah!

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Post Umrah

The moment we signed the umrah package (sometime in Feb/Mar), some things happened and whacked us really hard. We called them cobaan for umrah. I think cos we survived those issues, that’s why umrah was relatively easy for us. When things were hard, my doa was “Ya Allah, I’ll try to survive this hardship but pls let umrah be easy for us.” So alhamdulillah we survived umrah and really enjoyed our trip. We were initially worried for the long flight and 6h long bus ride with BBoss but he was amazingly really baik! 😍

Anyway, one of the challenges pre-umrah was having my parents move out suddenly. Haha I fought with my MIL, MrF fought with his MIL. What a joke. So yeah that’s the result of arguing. Lazy to go into details of what happened but it made us scramble for IFC for BBoss.

We were lucky to find one that doesn’t have many babies. Currently there’s 2 teachers to 4 babies. Alhamdulillah BBoss is getting used to it there. Since we still have bibik, we only send BBoss for few hours only. Hoping to make the transition easy for him. First week, 3h of school. Second week, 5h. Third week, 7h and so on. InsyaAllah once he’s alright, we aim to let bibik go.

MrF and I are also cooking our own meals (hmm bibik doesn’t like cooking so kita kena settle sendiri 😬 but she’s a good bibik la. She used to help my mom for my bedridden dad and housework is really tip top!).

Anyway for now, MrF and I suka main masak2. My style is to research for recipe and try to follow the rempah but I’ll overdose with all the isi (meat, seafood). MrF is the campak2 whatever he finds in fridge kind and later he grumble asal weird eh? It’s quite fun to cook (cos there’s someone cleaning up after me lol) but I think it’s more costly to cook than to eat out since we have to pay for ingredients, gas and our time but let’s see how this goes la.

I’m also starting something new insyaAllah mid June. I hope it will be good for us. If not, gonna replan our whole daily schedules again.

I also found someone who’s willing to take my bibik till her contract ends (Nov 2018). I feel bad letting her go back early cos she said she wants to save more $. However, I haven’t broken the news to her that she can be transferred if she wants. It’s gonna be heartbreaking to tell her that I want to let her go but I gotta do it la. Can save on her salary!

We are also trying to see how to revamp our place. Itching to sell and start afresh but price is bad. If do reno, how to stay there with the dust? Hmm

Wish us luck in trying to be independent! It’s been long overdue la haha

And oh ya happy Ramadan everyone! May it be a blessed month for all of us 😊

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