Differences Part 2 – E Csect vs VBAC

Emergency csect

Good part:

  • I didn’t have to worry about peeing or pooping post birth
  • Didn’t have to worry about my V or anus dropping out (lol!)
  • E csect was done really fast. Baby was out within half hour of me being wheeled in
  • Not good part:
    • I have to ensure that I cannot accidentally get pregnant too early. I was so so so afraid my csect wound will burst open if I get pregnant too close to the previous csect.
    • Nurse asked me to try walking by the second day and my still bloated tummy felt soooo heavy on the wound
    • Massage only started 2 weeks after
    • I was so worried masseuse didn’t know how to massage a csect patient
    • Cannot anyhow massage so my water retention/perut was still obvious
    • I was really sad and felt less of a mommy cos of a csect – Made me start motherhood wrongly with a super noisy screamer and cryer πŸ˜…

    Vaginal birth after csect (VBAC)

    Good part:

    • I could walk within hours after birth
    • Post natal massage can be done as soon as the next day
    • My tummy seems to shrink much faster
    • Water retention has also been reduced really quickly cos I had a good masseuse and I don’t have to worry abt her pressing anywhere since there’s no wound to accidentally press
    • I felt so accomplished. A happier mama for my kids

    Not so good part:

    • I’m constantly worrying my V and anus are not back to normal
    • Worried about haemorrhoids as there’s so much swelling down there πŸ˜±πŸ’†πŸ»β€β™€οΈ
    • So much hard work to push baby out – what went thru my head: “hard work is all me. Can someone take over for a short while?”
    Posted in baby | 2 Comments

    Differences Part 1 – Hospitals

    Since I’ve experienced different hospitals and methods of giving birth, I shall do a series on “differences” to remind myself if I decide on a third one. lol.

    This post will be on my experiences in the 2 Hospitals.


    What I don’t like

    • Feels less inviting and lack of warmth from the team (seems methodical and rigid like they are just going thru the motion)
    • Baby taken away immediately for tests and vaccinations etc. I think I only saw BBoss 3-4h after birth (but this could just be an e-csect case?)
    • Before getting my NUH appt, I randomly went to one gynae at KKH for the first few checks. At week 20 scan, it showed that my placenta was low. That dr didn’t break the news gently to me. She said stuff like “Kamu mau mati ah? Duduk ward lama2” when I innocently asked if I can still try vbac, massage placenta up or still be able to carry my 14kg son.
  • What I like
    • One bedder room was awesome and comfortable
    • Food was awesome – catered for post partum mummies (e.g salmon, red date drink)


    What I like

    • I can feel their love for their job. One nurse who was already off duty at 7am was still around handling my case at 830am. She said chirpily, “it’s ok! I’ll settle u first”
    • When I was being irritating don’t want to be on the bed, the nurses were patient. They didn’t give me the roll eyes or frustrated face. Just said “sure whatever you want and whenever you want”
    • DrC was doing the perineal massage (widening?) as I was pushing MeiMei out. Previous doc was just telling me “push push push” and her hands were just waiting for baby to pop out
    • Very pro breastfeeding
    • They let me skin to skin for as long as I want. Baby didn’t leave me much except for that 5 min when PD had to check (still in the labour room)

    What I don’t like

    • The one bedder ward feels old – my room was exceptionally warm. I thot all rooms like that. Towards the end I found out that it’s just my room cos aircon was wonky πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™€οΈ
    • Food was horrible (can only get Milo for bfast? Feels like normal ward food)
    Posted in baby | 2 Comments

    My VBAC story

    Alhamdulillah I just gave birth to my second born, a baby girl this time around. Let’s call her MeiMei.

    As posted before, I was rather upset when I had to do emergency csect for BBoss in 2017. So when I got preggy this time, my dream was to try for a vaginal birth after csect (VBAC).

    To prep for the VBAC, I engaged Doula S (she comes with support from Doula F) and attended birth classes. Also changed my hosp and got DrC. MrF went along with all my plans cos he saw how much I wanted a VBAC and to save himself $12k lol

    I didn’t exactly follow the healthy lifestyle that was advised by the doulas though. So hard to resist cakes, teh tarik and segala…. serve me right la. I kept falling sick throughout the pregnancy. I had cough for few months. Even lost my voice twice. Flu till week 39. Omg.

    Anyway here’s the labour story:

    28 Jan, 3am. My water bag started leaking. In my head I was like, “oh crap. Again water bag goes first. Let’s hope contractions start soon.” From what I learnt from the birth classes, I know I have 48h before I have to admit myself to hospital. As a previous csect patient, I can’t take induced meds so I must try my best to have contractions naturally.

    MrF took urgent leave to be around. I walked, I squatted, I climbed stairs, I drank concentrated raspberry leaf tea, I tried so many ways to induce naturally for the whole day. Was in close contact with my doulas via WhatsApp. Still nothing happened. Only told my sisters and my mom about what’s going on cos I was scared to involve a lot of people.

    29 Jan, 8am. Getting worried cos deadline is near. Went to Doula F’s house and she said my baby’s position still high and water bag broke early cos of my flu. Doula F said luckily I have signs that I’ve dilated and my body still remembered my previous labour. Got chance that the moment I start active labouring, it’ll be a fast one. My problem is to jump start that labour. She helped me loosen my ligaments, realigned baby’s position and massaged (acupressure) all the induction points.

    After that, MrF and I walked for more than 10km and went Seoul Garden for lunch date. All the while BBoss in childcare.

    29 Jan, 7pm. Kinda resigned to go thru a csect at this moment. While resting on bed, my mom and MrF took turns to do acupressure on me. I was so relieved when I felt the jump start (mcm kereta eh lol) of contractions whenever they pressed the induction points. Oh by the way, I’ve been smelling and putting on Clary Sage essential oil the whole day. Doulas told me that this is an induction oil.

    30 Jan, 1am. Contractions started. As the surges came, I tried to find positions to make it better. I was quite unsure – what if I made myself comfortable and then the surges stop? Or will the comfortable positions make the surges come even more? So worried that contractions will stop (typical of vbac moms) but luckily they didn’t!

    Best position for me – to stand and sway and be on my own. So I “solo danced” from 1-5am in a semi dark room. All the while doulas were on WhatsApp with me. I seriously wonder how they kept awake as they waited for my random updates. I let MrF sleep and handle BBoss as BBoss still wakes up at night. I also know I will be irritable when I have someone physically near me. So it’s better for doulas to be on WhatsApp and for MrF to sleep.

    30 Jan, 5am. My contractions were 1min long and coming every 3-5min. Doula S said to meet at NUH ASAP. Woke MrF up, did a quick shower and off we went. Longest car ride ever. Was squatting on the car seat throughout the ride. Thank God that traffic was super smooth (duh 5+am right lol)

    30 Jan, 615am. Reached NUH, did our subuh. Wow my solat I had one contraction. Nasib ada wall beside me. Then we walked around a bit. I kept stopping to hold the wall and sway my hip at each surge. People kept asking if we needed help. My contractions came every 1-2 min but Doula S was kinda unsure whether it was time to admit cos I can still talk and joke. I told her I’m trying to distract myself from the pain.

    30 Jan, 7am. Admitted to Delivery Suite Ward 22. Really like the group of nurses who handled me. I cried when I reached the suite cos I saw BEDS! In my head I was thinking I can’t go on one (phobia from previous KK experience). This is why I chose NUH – NUH nurses didn’t force me to go on the bed! They let me be anywhere and everywhere I wanted. They said GENTLY AND PATIENTLY to me just be on the bed for 1min WHENEVER IM READY to do quick VE and that’s it. I was checked and I was 8cm dilated. Hooray!

    I was everywhere – bath tub with hot shower, birthing stool, standing by the bed side, swaying with MrF, squatting with MrF. NUH WAS SO AWESOME THAT WAY! I got the freedom to do anything I wanted. They even made the room dark for me and allowed me to use diffuser. Btw, NUH also provides diffuser if u ask but we were not sure of the condition so we brought ours.

    30 Jan, 1003am. True enough it’s considered relatively short active labour. Final position – ironically was on the BED and on my BACK! Lol. That’s how MeiMei came out.

    Alhamdulillah, MeiMei came out healthy. I was alright too. Everyone in my room was so high from this achievement. Seriously a wow moment in my life.

    I’m sure my mama was proud of me haha cos I wasn’t such a crazy woman during labour. MrF said it was kinda hilarious at some points cos I was trying different tones to push MeiMei out. I kept using the word “Allah” – he said it was sometimes high pitch sometimes low pitch deep male voice. Probably a sign that MeiMei is going to be a good singer in future even though the Mama is tone deaf lol.

    Posted in baby, Family | Tagged , , , | 5 Comments

    We don’t realise how blessed we are till we listen to the world out there

    Been hearing a few sad news in the past weeks. I think it’s really good to hear such stories as it allows me to reflect.

    Story #1:

    A family friend went thru giving birth to a stillborn at 37 weeks 😒 imagine going thru the whole pregnancy excitedly looking forward to holding your newborn but to give birth to a stillborn. I don’t think I can imagine the anguish. May this not happen to us. What’s even sadder, the husb is a pilot and he was flying at that time. He was not allowed to fly back unless he’s done with his tasks. He didn’t get to accompany his wife at birth and also couldn’t be part of the burial 😭

    Story #2:

    A friend at 20 weeks pregnancy detected that her baby has cleft. Doc told her cleft babies have a chance of having Down syndrome.

    Story #3:

    A close one also at 20 weeks had her scan and doc said baby suspected Down syndrome. She didn’t go thru the DS test; it was from the scan of baby’s nose. It showed baby had low nose bridge. That’s one indicator of DS. Hopefully the scan is wrong.

    Story #4 not baby related:

    On the way back from work, I was busy stalking the teacher whose post went viral and found out that she lost her first husb after 5.5mth of married life. Alamak sis nangis in the train while reading all her posts on her missing her late husb and hoping to see him return waiting for him to open their house door.

    I think it’s good that I get to hear such stories. Keep telling myself stop whining and to be very thankful with what and who I have.

    For instance, toddlers can be quite a handful kan. Every time BBoss is cranky and getting on my nerves, I will remind myself what I’m experiencing will never ever match up to what others are going thru. So shut up, suck it up and be a more patient mother to BBoss.

    Posted in baby | 3 Comments

    Weaning woes

    Aim: to breastfeed BBoss for 2 years.

    End point: 16 Jan 2019

    Plan: start from 16 Jan 2018 cos I thought give him a year to get used to the idea. Lol. Obviously, weaning process didn’t take off la cos I didn’t really have a proper plan. Once a while I will just mention to BBoss “by 2yo, no more milk ok?” but when he asked for milk, I just offered πŸ’†πŸ»β€β™€οΈ I also don’t want to put chilli, asam, blood, whatsoever la to scare him off. Good right, no plan? Lol.

    Approximately 1.5mth away from weaning deadline, I’m not sure what’s my status. Last night, I had the worst weaning situation ever. It was impromptu. I got pissed with MrF (typical cause of argument: he busy sleeping while I was working hard to console BBoss) so I made him handle BBoss at night. BBoss will usually wake up and look for boob and in BBoss’ groggy sleepy state, he only wants that. Not even his fav Bapak can console him. Cos of my pissy mood, I persevered in not giving him boob. MrF worked really hard trying to put him back to sleep without boob. End up BBoss lost his voice from all the screaming and started having runny nose cos of the tears. I realised he was losing his voice after 4 hours and then quickly took BBoss back.

    Some more, BBoss just went to a new school this week. I think I have also chosen the wrong time to suddenly start weaning. Cos of his bad crying last night, he went to school crying like crazy and also puked on the teacher this morn.

    I think this is one of my worst mummy guilt ever. And so, I conclude I’ll just let it be la. My effort now is doa banyak2 that he’ll wean naturally by 2 πŸ’ͺ🏻 and I won’t forcefully make him wean la.

    Posted in baby | Tagged | 2 Comments

    Finding a balance

    A few months back, I was struggling trying to figure what’s the best way to spend more time with BBoss. I grew up in a family where my dad wanted my mom to be a housewife and she willingly did it cos they both believed (and still do) that we should be looking after our own kids. I guess naturally I’ll feel the same way too? But then ah.. I don’t think I can tahan being a SAHM for long cos I’m such a boring mom and I won’t have many activities for my kid(s) if I stay home whole day πŸ˜‚ and of cos, I want the money la.

    At that time, I also happened to listen to a syarahan by a Singaporean ustazah who mentioned that the first 7 years of a child’s life are the most crucial years for parents to spend time with them. Cos these 7 years will determine how the kids view us (choose what you wanna be: a never around parent, a friend to go to, etc). However, being a Singaporean, she’s aware that it’s kinda tough in this expensive city and sometimes dual income is required. So she shared if circumstances do not allow us such an opportunity, we should make as much effort as possible whenever we’re around our children. Up to each of us to define what quality time is. 😬 this made me think even more.

    Around that time, I was also at a talk by a retired high ranking govt official who said that there’s no such thing as balance. It’s either you do well at work (climb corporate ladder) or you focus all your attention on kids. She mentioned that she didn’t have to focus on her kids cos she had lotsa help and thus she could climb really high. She said she kinda regretted that though. So she advised: career women will have to decide what we want at that moment of our life. If you’re pregnant and then on maternity leave, just accept that you can’t be at 2 places at one time and just let work go. Work can wait but children grow up really fast and you can’t relive those moments. If your peers are climbing while you’re away, so be it. (Yalah senang je ckp kan lol)

    What does MrF say to all these? He said up to me as long as I know how to live my life simply once I become a SAHM. Lol. I think he must have gotten irritated after a while cos I kept talking about it but not deciding anything. It’s just soooo hard to let work goooo. My own moneeeeyyyy 😭

    I think between MrF and me, he makes the better stay at home parent. He’s good at layan-ing children. I’m only good at “layan-ing” teenagers (ie scold them to do hw or focus – that’s why I prefer teaching secondary when I did tuition back then).

    Haha so after a few months of such thoughts, what have I done? Lol

    No life changing decision made yet πŸ˜’. Actually life might be a little worse than before cos my hours are crazily long at the new place. I’m still trying to find that comfortable spot. Last week I randomly took 1.5 days urgent leave cos BBoss didn’t get to see me much in the last 2 weeks and he was horribly cranky and clingy. I don’t know if it’s a phase or we’re just being overly sensitive, but we’re attributing it to me not being around. MrF thinks BBoss is resisting sleep (there was a night that he stayed up till 2am and woke up at 6am and MrF was on 5 nights shift omg my precious nights) I went to work like a zombie with a horrible headache. Anyway the theory is he’s staying up late so he can see more of me.

    Anyway the 1.5days leave was good for us I feel. I brought BBoss out and had our us time. He saw so much of me that it was easy to go work the next day. He woke up, cried a bit, I explained I have to work and then he waved and hugged me goodbye. Typical mornings are usually: cling cling cling and screaming “no mama! No mama! Buka! Buka!”

    “Buka” – buka tudung. He hates to see me put on my tudung so I always have difficulty getting ready even when I’m going out with him cos he relates tudung to me going work. πŸ˜–

    Anyway thankfully the break reset his sleeping time. I guess for now, I have to take such random short breaks and spend at least 1 full day with him alone to make BBoss happy till I work out my SAHM plans.

    Posted in baby, Family | Leave a comment

    His time has come

    My dad was a bedridden patient for years. From being a very active teacher to a bedridden patient. He was home cared by my awesome mom. Towards the final 1.5 years he lost his ability to move (except left arm) and to talk. Everything was by signal. We thought it must be really tough for both of them. One suffering from being stuck in a voiceless and no movement body and the other having to take care of a sick husband 24/7.

    My 3 sisters and I grew up with just my parents cos we don’t have that many relatives. Our grandparents were gone before we came out or when we were really young. My dad was the sole breadwinner as he didn’t want his children to be brought up elsewhere or by anyone else.

    There’s this Hadith about having daughters and if you bring them up well, they will land you in Jannah. I hope this works for my parents. They may not be the most exceptional Muslims but I guess the 4 daughters ended up alright?

    13 Oct 2018, my dad passed on. He battled the last hour by himself and we only noticed towards the end. Moga-moga husnul khatimah. He looked really calm. He wanted to take his last breath at my place (originally theirs) and luckily we managed to get that for him. He closed his eyes while looking at my mom. Awww. I hope the years of suffering was enough to wash all his sins away. May he not suffer in kubur and may he be placed with the pious.

    We always wondered how this day would turn out cos my dad didn’t have sons or brothers to help him out. We were happy to see so many of his fellow cikgus and students came. Even the paramedic who came happened to be his ex student. His kampong friends came too. Neighbours I don’t know of also appeared. There was so much gotong royong happening.

    Alhamdulillah, things happened smoothly and we are truly happy and thankful for it.

    Posted in Family | 2 Comments