Calling all mummies and little ones! 4 Aug! Onz boh?

Alright, like what was mentioned in the previous post, Kraken and I would like to organise a play date in the North (indoor) from 2-4pm.

No pressure kinda session; just a session to get to know more mummies and let our babies play by the side. Only mummies and babies around so we don’t have to worry if any of the babies acts up that day.

For it to happen, we need fellow mummies’ support! It’s gonna be FREE cos we’re not venturing into this business. So think no more and click – Register here! 😁

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August play date

I bonded with 2 other WordPress bloggers sometime in 2015-2016. We got closer and created a whatsapp group: “WordPress wives” first then changed it to “WordPress mummies” 😂

Recently, we were just reminiscing how we survived being first time mummies (FTM). I think one of the reasons it wasn’t that crazy was cos we had each other to chit chat with. There were even times we were busy chatting at 2-4am cos you know la we sambil2 chit chat while we do our mummy duties at night. We didn’t compare/compete how our babies were doing (it’s just quite irritating how some mummies do that right? Hehe) but we usually listen to each other’s issues, give ideas kindly and we try to cheer each other up if we have no other help to offer. Whatever it is, we try to create a positive environment for each other 😍

I have really benefited a lot by having fellow FTMs around to chat and check on stuff with. If we don’t help fellow mummies, who else will right?

Since we quite the yaya papaya haha! We thought we can organise a play date and meet up with other bloggers who also had babies recently. Who knows we might meet more mummies and we all can share share our experiences? Or maybe during the play date we can connect other mummies who have babies from the same month like Kraken Mummy and me.

Tentatively, it’s gonna be held on 4 Aug afternoon. Venue TBC. Indoor or outdoors, feel free to comment! We’re still deciding depending on how the response is. If anyone is interested, feel free to leave a comment here or at Kraken Mummy’s latest post!

Let’s make this happen! InsyaAllah!

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Aduh bibikku

Haha I’ve never watched the show before but I’ve heard of it. I think having a bibik at home is enough drama for my life. No need to watch any tv programmes haha

My family started having a bibik in Nov 2015 when my dad got really sick. She was to help my mom care for my dad and also with housework. That first bibik was so so so horrible. First of all, she’s rather gelojoh sorry had to use that word. She will tak malunye amik makanan dulu even before my dad! We don’t even do that. Abeh amik byk plak tu! And then my mom being a super gullible makcik aiyoh 🤦🏻‍♀️ end up doing 80% of the work? She also asked my mom for an iPhone and money 😤. Luckily my mom not as savvy as to know how to buy an iPhone but money wise hmm we couldn’t control. Sad to say that woman cheated my mom of $2000. Her departure was rather dramatic. It was Oct 2016. She came out of the toilet sobbing saying her daughter died. God knows how she got news in the toilet. My mom was alone with her and she believed her story and called us to book her a flight ticket. We did without questioning and we were all duped. My Kakak sent her to the gate and just before entering she said “anak saya tak mati.” Ni case mati hidup semula 🙄

We concluded she cooked up a story cos my dad was coming back home from hosp full time and he required a lot of help. She knew she couldn’t escape work already. So she found a way out after she “borrowed” money from my mom. It’s hilarious how my 3rd sister sent her scary messages on fb (like tak halal. Tak takut Allah blah blah blah) but too bad she ignored the messages 😂

We had about 2 months being bibik-less. Housework was ok cos MrF and I do our share but we knew my mom was getting tired handling my dad alone and she will secretly try to do our part of the housework when we’re at work. Furthermore I was going to give birth already. We definitely need the extra pair of hands when I go back work. So we got bibik no2.

She’s a good one. Not sure if it’s cos we compared her to No1. 😆 First time working but she’s good at housework and laundry. She can also help with my dad. She was a little moody at first cos she was homesick but she was determined to get over it. After 2 months, she was smiling and laughing. She’s actually good with kids but I only noticed that after I went back to work. She didn’t handle BBoss much when I was on ML and NPL. Maybe I looked very territorial haha! Yalah FTM kan 🙄 son so precious.

I guess no one ever liked having a non-family in their home. Initially, it took me a while to get used to it. As much as I don’t like it, I can’t do much about it cos we really needed one. Hehe. However, the moment my parents moved out, I was determined to let bibik go. Reasons being:

  1. MrF works shift and there’ll be hours when they’ll be alone at home. Awkward situation there.
  2. I don’t quite trust a bibik caring for BBoss alone without any monitoring. No matter how much she loves BBoss, there might be PMSy days and boy, we all know how those days can be. We installed CCTVs but we were just not comfortable.
  3. BBoss is spending too much time alone with bibik. I’m out of the house from 730am to 7pm. He only gets to see me for 1-2h max per weekday? I’m so afraid he’ll be closer to her than me and what if he starts speaking Indonesian? 😱
  4. I think it’s time we settle things ourselves. A bit too luxurious to have a bibik now. Maybe when we have 3 kids and I’m up to my neck settling everything myself?

In my previous post, I mentioned that I found a transfer for her but she thought about it for a while and decided that she wanted to go home instead. She hasn’t seen her daughters for more than 2 years 😱 and no additional salary would be enough when compared to how much she misses her daughters. She was also worried that she won’t get an employer as nice as me (muahahahaha!)

So today is the final day that we have bibik no2 with us. I will be sending her off tomorrow on Vesak Day morning.

If anyone has tips on how to manage a household and toddler with a full time work, do share! My only concern now is ending work at 6pm (they btr not have last min meeting which can end after 6 😤) and running back to make sure I make it back by 7pm to fetch him from IFC. Maybe I will be a sprinter after a few months of doing this hurhurBismillah!

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Post Umrah

The moment we signed the umrah package (sometime in Feb/Mar), some things happened and whacked us really hard. We called them cobaan for umrah. I think cos we survived those issues, that’s why umrah was relatively easy for us. When things were hard, my doa was “Ya Allah, I’ll try to survive this hardship but pls let umrah be easy for us.” So alhamdulillah we survived umrah and really enjoyed our trip. We were initially worried for the long flight and 6h long bus ride with BBoss but he was amazingly really baik! 😍

Anyway, one of the challenges pre-umrah was having my parents move out suddenly. Haha I fought with my MIL, MrF fought with his MIL. What a joke. So yeah that’s the result of arguing. Lazy to go into details of what happened but it made us scramble for IFC for BBoss.

We were lucky to find one that doesn’t have many babies. Currently there’s 2 teachers to 4 babies. Alhamdulillah BBoss is getting used to it there. Since we still have bibik, we only send BBoss for few hours only. Hoping to make the transition easy for him. First week, 3h of school. Second week, 5h. Third week, 7h and so on. InsyaAllah once he’s alright, we aim to let bibik go.

MrF and I are also cooking our own meals (hmm bibik doesn’t like cooking so kita kena settle sendiri 😬 but she’s a good bibik la. She used to help my mom for my bedridden dad and housework is really tip top!).

Anyway for now, MrF and I suka main masak2. My style is to research for recipe and try to follow the rempah but I’ll overdose with all the isi (meat, seafood). MrF is the campak2 whatever he finds in fridge kind and later he grumble asal weird eh? It’s quite fun to cook (cos there’s someone cleaning up after me lol) but I think it’s more costly to cook than to eat out since we have to pay for ingredients, gas and our time but let’s see how this goes la.

I’m also starting something new insyaAllah mid June. I hope it will be good for us. If not, gonna replan our whole daily schedules again.

I also found someone who’s willing to take my bibik till her contract ends (Nov 2018). I feel bad letting her go back early cos she said she wants to save more $. However, I haven’t broken the news to her that she can be transferred if she wants. It’s gonna be heartbreaking to tell her that I want to let her go but I gotta do it la. Can save on her salary!

We are also trying to see how to revamp our place. Itching to sell and start afresh but price is bad. If do reno, how to stay there with the dust? Hmm

Wish us luck in trying to be independent! It’s been long overdue la haha

And oh ya happy Ramadan everyone! May it be a blessed month for all of us 😊

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Umrah or amrah as BBoss calls it

Alhamdulillah, MrF and I managed to do our umrah with BBoss in tow. This year the “panggilan” feels much louder and stronger. Not too sure if I’m more aware or what but it felt like a lot of relatives and friends all went within these few months. Whatever it is, hope all our umrah and ibadah diterima!

I went umrah once with my family nearly 13 years ago. After that no more chance cos my dad got really sick that means my sisters and I didn’t have any other muhrim (the cons of not having brothers). We all knew that in order to go again, we will need to be either married or >45yo. When I got married, MrF suggested for umrah as honeymoon but I gatal tak nak hurhur. After that, we just had too many excuses not to go (ie trying for baby la, MrF change jobs can’t take leave, my miscarriages la, etc etc). End up, we couldn’t senang lenang go as a couple. However, we took on the attitude of “go je!” and decided to go with BBoss along. If we nvr take this stance, I think we will forever not go.

Taking things positively, BBoss was lucky to be invited to tanah suci at such a young age and we managed to spend time as a family for 12 whole days (something which I’ve been whining abt as a full time working mom).

My mom was worried for BBoss being too young there (and doubting my capability la ni haha) so she asked my aunt if she wanted to go along. Fully sponsored yo! So thanks to dear mama, my Makcik and Pakcik went along at the last minute. Their first time there so they were nervous about it. MrF and I were generally ok with BBoss on our own (of cos la, we’re his parents kan haha) so we told them to focus on their ibadah cos don’t waste this opportunity just for BBoss kan. All we needed for BBoss was potential backing. U know it feels much easier when u know there will be someone to help if anything fails. Knowing that is already a battle half won. So win-win situation for both sides.

I was advised to go there with lower expectations. That advice truly helped! I went there with a mentality that I will sacrifice more and let MrF do more ibadah. Cos when MrF masuk syurga, he’ll confirm drag his dear wife along kan? Heheh amin! Initially I thought I will be at the hotel most times while MrF solat jemaah. Lucky me, I didn’t have to resort to that! We figured out how to make BBoss quiet while we jemaah.

Tip: bring lotsa snacks, toys and wet tissues to clean up the mess from the spilling of snacks.

Anyway even if BBoss was not quiet, people are generally very welcoming and not judgy. They are ok with babies crying or wailing even! They’re also ok with babies pouring air zam zam on their head while they sujud! Lol cos everyone there really loves babies! Alhamdulillah! So if you ever bring babies there, expect to get lotsa sweets, chocs and kisses from a lot of tetamu Allah 😀

Another tip: Baby wearing helps a lot. We didn’t need stroller. I had to babywear BBoss during 2 jemaah sessions and during tawaf and saie. I find it rather amazing how challenging times made one think of a quick solution. Last minute I had to solat with BBoss in carrier. I knew I couldn’t sujud with him cos he wasn’t in deep sleep yet (once sujud confirm wake up and I can’t possibly rock him to sleep back while in prayer) but I couldn’t find any chairs. So I quickly went over to sit on a Quran rack (after quickly removing all Quran and put on another rack) and joined the jemaah. So that was my panic moment. I know la I can just forgo jemaah but somehow panicky la nak sgt be part of jemaah.

All in all, I find it a really good trip. BBoss managed to go into Raudhah, followed us on a few umrah sessions, climbed Jabbals and did sightseeing. It was soooo soooo sooo good that I forgot about all problems back home. I felt like it was enough being there with MrF and BBoss leading a simple life focusing on ibadah. It was all so forgotten that MrF had to remind me “u btr plan ur doa for all the issues back home eh” hurhur

Let’s hope that we are invited to the place again! I hope there are good changes in us after the trip. 😬

Belanja one pic la:

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Method of communication

Am I writing a series on communication? Lol

So here’s my booboo story. I mentioned previously that I was super duper pissed and made a hell of a fuss right? Well, the fuss got so bad that it involved so many parties.

MrF wasn’t explaining why MIL kept information from me and I was rather taken aback that MIL would do that to me. So in our argument,

Me: Are you sure your mom really said to keep the information from me? What kind of education is this? I will ask your mom about it.

MrF: Go ahead la (in a if-you-dare tone)

This wife doesn’t like to waste time so she proceeded (a few hours later). One puji diri sendiri moment: In an argument, I still managed to get permission from husband wokay? Lol!

I thought about it and decided to take action.

Here’s my excuses for my actions lol:

It was at night already and I have a clingy latching baby who’s trying to nurse to sleep. He usually nurses for quite a long period before he finally sleeps. MrF and I will not make any sound whenever BBoss sleeps cos he’s such a light sleeper. That means calling MIL was not possible.

I also can’t wait till the day we visit ILs. The weekend after, ILs was going to go on a holiday, that means the next meetup would be 2 weeks later. Omg I cannot wait that long.

So what I did was… whatsapp my MIL. Yes, whatsapp. How trendy was I? 🤦🏻‍♀️ I ran by my message with my kakak first to confirm if I have the right to feel this way (or I might be overly sensitive right?) and also made sure the message (in full Malay) didn’t sound rude. I did not want to attack but merely asking for clarification.

It only hit me that omg I did a booboo after I clicked “send”!! My MIL is super traditional. Message2 gini tak main. True enough, the booboo whacked me hard cos MIL got so affected and everyone else in the ILs family got involved. Macam I’ve attacked their Queen Ant you know.

Learning points:

  1. Don’t do things immediately when you’re angry (even when you have husband’s “permission”)
  2. Do a sit down face to face discussion instead of calling or messaging (messaging is totally a younger generation kinda thing right? But yeah gotta think about the other side haiz)
  3. No one knows the tone of your message (although I’ve put in thoughts on making it sound nice IMO) so messaging is really really the worst thing to do when arguing
  4. MIL doesn’t know my style of messaging and assumed it’s an attack. So next time, suck it up and sort out with husband only la. Why so yaya message MIL right? (In my defence, I’ve never involved anyone whenever MrF and I argue. It was only this incident cos there’s mention of MIL)

Yeah anyway.. I had to do a bit of a reflection. Even though I was right on the issue of communication with husband, for my communication with MIL, I still have a lot to improve on 💆🏻‍♀️

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Secrets and communication

Hello! Blog is becoming dusty cos nothing blog-worthy to share 😬

But something just happened and I thought this incident would be a good learning point for fellow wives and wives-to-be. InsyaAllah. Or it could be used as a platform for a discussion (can sense my love for engagement? Hurhur)

Since no one in this blogosphere knows who I am (except for Kraken Mummy and Dentedaura, hello ladies!), I hope this is not taken as a post to “buka aib”.

I’ve tried searching for answers online. Somehow Malay Islamic articles tend to only say what a wife is supposed to do but not much on husband to wife. I didn’t do a search in English (don’t ask me why, I also can’t answer haha)

Anyway, I discussed with an Ustazah instead (it’s easier that way also hehe no need to read here and there).

Ok what’s the issue?

  • MIL borrowed husband’s money for his sister’s big bang wedding
  • MIL mentioned not to tell wife about it since it’s from his own savings account (not joint and not wife’s savings)
  • Husband took it as a mother’s request and it is an amanah (since syurga anak lelaki bawah tapak kaki ibu kan), so husband kept it from wife
  • It’s also to tutup aib (cos borrowing money is embarrassing right?)
  • Wife accidentally found out a year later, got freaking angry and made a hell of a big fuss

Since it’s an issue of Ibu’s words vs how a couple handles information in a marriage, I felt it would be best to talk to a learned person who can give the Islamic perspective.

Ustazah summarised:

  1. Ustazah saw that husband is doing a good job of pleasing his mom (may he be rewarded Amiiin!) but the way it was done could be improved
  2. If both husband and wife have decided from the start not to keep secrets and to have open communication, by keeping information from the wife, that’s considered “mengkhianati isteri”
  3. Even when the request is from the mom, husband should just share and inform the mom that this is the style of his marriage
  4. This is made worse when the request is for “benda tak berfaedah” (lol I seriously love the words used by the ustazah)
  5. The fault lies with the MIL and SIL for “menuntut wang dgn cara begini utk benda yg tak berfaedah”

When it all happened, I was seriously pissed (tahap maksima) cos I saw it as an interference of our marriage. It was our style to be open (yes, MrF always needs constant reminder to tell me stuff about work or his life cos he’s really very quiet but he won’t purposely hide things from me la.) On top of that, nowadays both husband and wife need to work right? It was discussed at the start, we share the expenses so that both of us can put aside some of our salaries for personal savings. If I was such a meanie, I would have just used husband’s salary for EVERYTHING which means he won’t get to save much while ALL my salary goes to my savings. Of course no one wants to be mean to husband kan and sure help each other out. So even if it’s his money and he doesn’t need to share, I think in our context, a discussion is definitely required. (Actually if he had shared, I would have told him don’t do it la. Grand wedding not necessary seh! But if you have the means and don’t disturb my life, I don’t care la. This part he knows my stand – that explains why he didn’t bother mentioning and supported by MIL some more 😤)

TBH, I was quite surprised Ustazah said I was right in this whole incident. I was also thinking maybe all of his mom’s words must be adhered to, even if it’s a ridiculous request. Lol. So alhamdulillah, we got that resolved.

Another learning point: Please don’t spend beyond your means. The reception is the least important event in the marriage. You wouldn’t want to be paying for the loan for the next 5-10 years. The loan will snowball if you have a first child within the first year. Add on renovation cost for house. Before you know it, you forget to work on your marriage cos busy slogging to pay back loan, marriage breaks down (nauzubillah), you go separate ways but end up still having to pay for something that caused your separation. What an irony la. The event was supposed to bond you 🤦🏻‍♀️.

So yeah, let’s hope everyone else has good communication and relationship with their husbands and ILs! Jiayou us!! 💪🏻💪🏻

Till the next update where I will share about my booboo! 😅

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