I must say my system had quite a shock in Jan 2023. Cos I suddenly included cooking in my schedule. Been on a crazy mode making sure that there’s home cooked food for the family.
My sisters told me: just do one chore each day. Either you cook or you clean. You can’t do both and also go to work on that day.
A friend told me: plan meals and give yourself a goal to reach for. Like only have home cooked food 3x a week, not 7x. Don’t go on a headless chicken spree everyday
Another friend: prepare (blend and sauté) all the aromatics in advanced and keep in the fridge. Saves you time and you can cook after work.
MrF: pls just add salt to our food (me: 😂🤭)
Appreciating sisters and friends’ advices. MrF’s not so. Lol
I got used to omitting salt after BBoss came along. You know the usual “don’t give salt to your baby” heh lucky for them I haven’t been the one cooking in our old place. They’ve been getting really yummy food back then, thanks to my mama. But now, unfortunately for them, their mama is still experimenting here and there. The taste can be a bit off sometimes lol! Doesn’t help that I nvr add salt despite knowing the taste is off hahaha
It’s kinda cute when we eat McDonald’s fries. I heard BBoss exclaim to MeiMei: you must eat this! It is so nice cos it has salt!
I think the life changing milestones in 2022 were:
Youngest going into childcare in Sep
Selling our old place and getting a new one
Getting used to life without my mama in the same household
Having all 3 in the same childcare has made life easier for us. The guilt of not spending much time with them is of cos still there, but at least we are assured that the environment in this childcare is good for them. We know that the childcare has caring Principal and Teachers. The trio enjoy it in school and they will always have each others’ company in school. So that’s a major alhamdullilah for us.
Selling the house was seriously unexpected. Thanks to Covid for changing it to seller’s market, we made this decision to sell and managed to get a buyer for our 30yo resale. We had many viewers but many were concerned with it being on second floor and on top of a coffee shop. So many decided against buying it. But of cos, Allah really works in amazing ways. Our buyer was specially looking for a unit in our area. His mom and MIL are like 500m away from our unit and that was why they were aiming for the blks around our area only. It was quite a shocking offer. After many views, we were resigned to just waiting for more. Then one fine day this couple called at 955pm saying that they were in the area and would like to view our unit. They reached at 10pm. They didn’t get to see the MBR cos the trio were sleeping inside. But they still optioned on that night itself! By 11pm we got their money to option. Such a relief to get a buyer. Sujud shukur immediately!
One worry we had abt selling was my mom. We were scared that she might be sad to leave that house. It’s the house that we have lived in the longest and also the house that my dad passed away in. Lotsa memories for her. She was super sad when she heard the news but she’s a very practical person, so she told us it’s ok to proceed. She knows it’s the only time we can sell this with a profit.
Buying a new place. We thought super hard on the location, but we ended up abt 1km away from our old unit? Haha so much for moving. The main priority was the childcare la. Now it’s just 5 min walk down. (As compared to cycling for 15-20 min or walking 30 min from old unit). Agents couldn’t understand why we made our decision based on the childcare and it also made us doubt our decision. But alhamdullilah we chose this new place and is at ease with our choice.
My savage mom: I don’t want to follow stay with you. The only reason I stayed with you is cos of the old house.
And all along I thought I was the favourite child. Heh kidding! I know she’s most comfy with that old house la. Whenever she visits / overnights at any of my sisters’, she’ll come back grumbling that she can’t sleep, can’t rest, can’t enjoy her sleep etc etc.
Anyway, my mom has her own space somewhere. She also has 4 other places for her to visit n staycay in. Hope she’s happy and comfortable whenever she is.
So no mom with me, means I struggle to keep MrF and children alive (cos no food) haha. Cooking was fully my mom’s territory. I used to cook once a while but since having 2 then 3 kids, I have totally lost interest in cooking. I can’t even bring myself to buy ingredients! Other than the cooking part, alhamdullilah we have settled in and slowly getting used to this new place and routine.
We did a lot of grab/dabao/eat out on first week. After that we got a bit sianz which pushed me to start cooking. Also, the trio kept asking for their fav dish eg singgang. This dish had to cook ownself cos I don’t know where to get it. Nasi padang stall sell or not?
So yeah that’s 2022. Nothing major bad, alhamdullilah. Contented and thankful with things that happened.
Yesterday we celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary. Alhamdullilah, 7 years together and hopefully many healthy, happy years ahead.
And of cos, I had a little reflection. Heh.
Whenever I see people posting that they have the best partner, I used to roll my eyes and think “you won’t get the chance to partner everyone, how can you announce publicly and how do you know he/she is the best out there?”
Only after getting married, going through life together with another person, then I realise what the phrase means. “Best partner” is not to compare every other man/woman out there.
What it means is – Allah knows best. Allah has dictated that our spouse is the best person to fill that spouse role for us. To complement us in as many ways as possible. And “best” is not meant to be defined in one way only. What is best for me, doesn’t mean it’s best for the rest of the world. And vice versa.
Heh! alhamdullilah Allah has given me the best for me, aka MrF. And vice versa. May we continue being happy with each other forever and ever! Haha!
And of cos, I should stop rolling my eyes at what people post hehe
Didn’t get to write on the final week of LML but something else hit our lives instead.
None other than Covid! MrF got it first, not sure from where. 3 days of on and off fever, dry blocked nose and bad sore throat. We think he got the Omicron strain. Was on the fence, to expose the children or not. Worried for the crankiness and tantrums but we also wanted to get it over and done with.
I didn’t take leave, cos I felt bad. Just came back from 8 weeks of LML, then take leave again. So I held the fort for a few days. For my own selfish reasons, I continued sending the older duo to childcare. The challenge was getting them to do ART every morning. We didn’t get the MOH SMS, but since I felt bad sending them to school, I did the ART on them to confirm we are not sending + kids.
For the first 4h since he tested positive, I had quite a few meetings. No choice had to get MrF handle DiDi. He only started to isolate 4h later after I was done with work. Ya sounds selfish again huh? But yalah this time around I prioritised work. I guess that explains why at the 70h mark, DiDi became positive too. He also had on and off fever, a bit of diarrhoea and not much appetite. Luckily he wasn’t that cranky.
The older duo thankfully as of today at MrF’s Day 6 are still -ve. We couldn’t really isolate after DiDi became +ve cos how do people isolate little humans right??!!??!! So we’re just waiting who’s next.
With this experience, we’re forever thankful we only get C+ at this phase. I can’t imagine getting it earlier on and having to be separated and quarantined elsewhere for weeks!
BBoss is very close to MrF. When he returned from childcare and heard that his beloved BFF got C+, his face was so down and he just sat quietly brooding over it. He must have felt that’s the end of his world. He only brightened up when I told him it’s still ok to talk to MrF but separated by the door. And every single morn and evening, he was at the door chatting with MrF.
From this episode, we were surprised that MeiMei missed her father too but unlike her brother, she was more vocal about it. She’s closer to me than MrF and will usually just want me, so we actually didn’t expect any reaction from her. Surprisingly, every single day she asked: “are you still sick? are you ok already? Can you hug me? How about hold my hand?” And that’s our MeiMei, whose love language is touch.
For DiDi, he was also able to express his feelings! Another surprise haha! After 3 kids, I still don’t learn that these little people are human and have feelings eh. Haha! okok I learn now.
Been loading myself and everyone at home with fruits, coconut water and water. We hope our immune system is strong and if we do get, we hope it’ll be super duper mild symptoms.
So let’s see how this goes in the next few days. Pray hard all safe!
Anyway alhamdullilah week 7 was easier for me. MrF and my mama were both around. Fuh luxurious lazy week for me. I could even do my booster, (which was also another alhamdullilah) not as bad as my second dose.
I’m nearing the end of LML. Remind self to stop whining about it. Heh! Shall take it as another phase of my life. Need to learn to be thankful that I get to experience different phases of life. If not, life will be boring kan.. haha
Week 7 was not bad. I had time to go shopping with sister and mom. Did filming with the older duo. A short video for the workplace. How kind of me to do it during my leave. Lol.
This week was also the week that I suddenly recalled all my grand plans that I had for my LML. Haha!
Staycation (didn’t want to tire ourselves, so we didn’t proceed)
Lazarus Island (too hot, and it’s just picnic there. So another no we didn’t do it)
Cycling at Marina area and take pic at the big bench (didn’t proceed also cos we decided that if we were too tired / kids cranky halfway, we are obligated to finish up the cycling route to send the rental bikes back)
Photoshoot (didn’t do cos MrF and I haven’t lost enough weight! Hahahaha!)
Splash water playground at Punggol (somehow didn’t make the booking don’t know why)
HydroDash at Sentosa (hmm MeiMei and DiDi too young for it)
Kayaking with BBoss (MeiMei poor thing, left out)
Can I squeeze any of the above in the final Week 8? Hehe
Wow week 6 was a tough one. MrF worked long hours and my mom was away for the whole week. DiDi teething. Then kids had to do ART every morning. Phew, I’m glad it’s over!
DiDi teething: He didn’t have much appetite. That’s a bummer, cos I loooove to feed children haha! He’s at the age that eats anything, so best time to let him try anything. After 1yo, based on his siblings’ records, they start their food strike 🤷🏻♀️ anyway I digressed. Poor baby lost weight. Didn’t eat and what’s worse! He had diarrhoea! I changed diaper at least 10x each day. It lasted for 2 days until his butt became red and sore. His siblings didn’t have diarrhoea back then during teething. So I’m caught surprised by this. Lucky I had Desitin (purple one) at home. I swear by this cream. So pls use this for any diaper rash. Your baby will thank me lol
I think this week was my longest streak of solo parenting. I nearly went bonkers. One line came to mind a lot: “how am I going to survive this once I’m back at work??” now no work can OTOT. If have work, I need to reach “work” 830-845am!
So for context, on normal good days..usually kids bfast btw 630-7. Bathed and dressed by 730. Then we start walking latest 740 and reach school by 8-810? I can walk home and reach by 830-845.
As all parents know, we can only plan, but kids will always throw curveballs. Some more with MeiMei is at that phase where she challenges every single thing I do or say. And has weird requests that I feel like responding by throwing a plate. But of cos must tahan…
Eg. On one fateful morning in week 6, I made pancakes at 7am for their bfast. That’s already late by half hour, but no deadline so I didn’t panic. Pancakes enough for all 3. DiDi was bathed and having his pancake quietly. The older duo unbathed and ate bfast first. MeiMei finished her share and said she wanted more. cos it’s rare that she asks for food and I don’t have a deadline, I said ok to make more. While I made, the duo bathed in the 2 separate toilets (I just make sure I cebok their bontots and brush their teeth first. I let them scrub their bodies themselves.) I helped dress up and comb neatly. Then I had to chase MeiMei around to do her ART. Lucky BBoss is at the age that understands he needs to do some things. Once I was done with that, I packed the new pancake so that MeiMei can have it on the stroller otw to school. So all ready to go right? Noooo she threw a tantrum saying she didn’t want it! So I thought ok she wanted it on the plate. I patiently changed it and asked her sit back. Told her we’ll wait for her to finish her bfast. Again, she started whining no don’t want. So what did she want? Only God knows. And at this stage, DiDi did his second poopoo (diarrhoea laaa) of the day! And it’s already 8am! So I roared at MeiMei take it or leave it. Stomped off to wash DiDi and then I just walked out the door. The duo just scrambled after me. I was glad no one whined and knew that they just had to follow.
Otw to school, they mentioned they wanted to bring fruits to share with the school. Ok fruits are good. Covid some more. Good to have more VitC. Pasar nearby, so ok I obliged. After that I regret. I need to lug 3 kids and fruits 😩
So we reached school at 9am. If it’s a working day, I’m oh so so so dead. Still need another 15-20 min to get home.
But it’s alright. I’m sure Allah has plans for me. Haha. This is just practice and a reminder for me to be more “cekap” before I start work proper. (Heh. My mom likes to say I’m not cekap. Lucky for her, I can brush it off cos I know I am cekap hahahaha confident mesti lebih! I know what I’m good at and not good at la. And I don’t bother taking it to heart cos I know she’s a typical elderly la.. haha they just like to shoot their mouth. So okla don’t waste my emotional energy on this. It’s tiring enough having to handle 3 different kiddos lol)
So yeah, let’s hope week 7 and beyond will be better 💪🏻💪🏻
The balance has tilted to beyond the halfway mark. I’m so much closer to starting work again. 😱
Week 5 was CNY week. 2 days of PH. No need to lug kids to and from school. We decided that it was better to just stay home and physically rest. Of cos mentally tiring to manage the kiddos and think of activities. Oh wells, that’s part of the having kids package la lol
With less going out this week, we saw DiDi walking! Haha! I think he’s always out and on our carrier that he didn’t get to practise! Felt a bit guilty cos we unknowingly deprived him of practice time! It’s true everything got hikmah! So that’s one from staying home. Alhamdullilah
It’s kinda cute reading the post. Sounds like a young girl. And maybe too many Makcik bawang in her life. Understandable la having such feelings cos everyone starts comparing here and there.
Made me think about how I feel having a helper back then. I didn’t call myself incapable la cos I know my situation best. Thankfully I don’t have makcik2 bawang in my life to comment anything. No one will say in my face how lousy a mom I am for having a helper. Lol. What’s the definition of lousy mother anyway? 😆 I didn’t feel guilty for having a helper, but I felt guilty for working which made me be away from children. I hid the info of having a helper from my bosses and colleagues though 🤭 not cos I wanna portray that I’m a great mother. It was meant to let me have flexi timing. So boss will say: “Okla MrsF I understand you have no help today cos husb on shift. You can go off earlier and then cont working at night after you settle your children” hehehe I went back earlier once a while when MrF was not around. On days that he’s around, I would stay on longer in office.
When wfh started, I was of cos excited and happy beyond words lol! But it took me a loooong time to let my helper go, cos I was afraid I’ll be back to crazy working hours in office again.
I must admit it felt really good letting her go la.
I think it’s been quite good without a bibik at home. Had a bit of arguing with my mom at the start on doing the housework but glad that got sorted out. We have different styles la, so just like a marriage, we gotta communicate so that we both understand why one chooses to do something a particular way. And of cos give and take.
It’s quite a relief financially. I think it’s about $1k per month (salary, levy, food, meds) for Bibik alone. We save $50/mth on utilities since we let bibik go. I’m pleasantly surprised our utility bill went down.
On the privacy front, wah shiok! We don’t have to think about the non-family. No additional mental load to care for someone’s well being woohoo!
Handling children of cos kecoh (chaotic) la, but what’s life without chaos right. So just have to embrace it. Thank Allah, MrF and I are still (relatively) young and strong to settle 3 young kids.
I’m quite thankful to technology and advanced equipment. Roborock S7 my new bff to vacuum and mop the house. Washing machine and dehumidifier to settle the laundry. Double stroller and a carrier/buggy board to lug 3 kids to and fro school (on days when I do solo parenting). GF or FP for food on “I feel luxurious” days, if not, okla pasar is super nearby and it’s easy to settle food haha
My mom is around sometimes, but I can’t be complacent and assume she’s around. There’ll be series of days that she’s not around. Cos my 3 sisters have children too and everyone takes turns falling sick. The 3 sisters can’t keep taking leave. Thank Allah for the presence of our mama, who’s always so ready to drop everything and respond to whoever needs help.
So it can be 5 days at SisF and then 3 days at SisA then back to my house for a short respite and then off again to look after another grandchild. She kinda loves this “job”, being on standby. To fill her time. And I’m glad too cos I’ll have days of “freedom” hahaha no one to scold me on how I do my laundry or whatsoever. Heh! But I’ll also look forward to days when she’s around, then I have company to chit chat or help me with DiDi while I solat/eat/etc. I’m definitely thankful to get both experiences (a mixture of with and without my mom around).
Do I miss having bibik around? Hmm tbh, no. I’m also quite surprised I didn’t have moments where I go “hmm if only bibik is around”. Haha. I guess the current arrangement happened to work out cos I’m WFH. So hmm.. Let’s see how this goes when I have to go back office. And also cos MrF, my mom and I are quite active and hands on people (alhamdullilah for the good health!) so it’s not a big shock to suddenly do housework and settle things on our own. And oh ya one important point, I’m not so particular. I’m ok with my house to be left in a mess, while I play with kids or I go to sleep haha. I won’t stress myself out thinking that particular area is messy and I can’t clean it yet while handling the kids/snoring away. I know there are people like that (and kudos to them I’m sure their houses are tiptop clean, something which I can’t achieve and I don’t feel the need to achieve) but I think this “do not stress” mentality makes me a happy person haha
From this experience of having and not having a bibik, I conclude that there’s no right/wrong to it. It’s really up to each of our comfort level and whether our living situation requires it. What is wrong about having a bibik is:
1. When the person who has a bibik shows off having a bibik. (Eg my husb earns a lot. I can afford 2 helpers. You so poor thing ah slog so hard. Your husb cannot afford ah?) hahaha did anyone ask you abt it?? Your comment make my slogging better meh?
2. When the person who doesn’t have a bibik starts judging people who have one (eg of cos la ABC can do that task, ABC has help, not like ABC do it herself.) So negative right? Why can’t ABC just be capable and we praise her for doing it without overthinking/comparing? Maybe she needs helper cos husband away for months sailing for work? Who knows right..
Hehe of cos this is life la. Will always have comments no matter what..
Sort of halfway through. It’s actually 8.5 weeks of LML (cos of the CNY PH).
Week 4 was a little shiong. It was days of solo parenting which meant I had to walk to and fro 6km each day with stroller and a baby on my back.
Then we had a day at an indoor playground cos we had 2 tickets expiring on 29 Jan.
Then weekend without MrF, I cleverly went to the beach with the 3 kiddos. Hot weather and the stress of always on the lookout for 3 mobile kiddos. I guess too much for me to handle.
And then my body literally crashed. Joints pain, body aches, fever. Couldn’t eat or drink anything. No flu, no runny nose, ART negative. I think it’s over tired. I must be too old for all these activities. Lucky I fell sick on a day that MrF was not working, phew! I just left the kiddos with MrF. I napped for a stretch of 3h at first and then milked DiDi and went back to nap for another 2h. And then at night I popped in a pill of anarex and slept for about 6h (In btw I groggily latch DiDi). Boy, did I feel much better the next morning. Alhamdullilah.
Starting to question if it’s wise to do this “double stroller with baby carrier walk” everyday. The main intention was to lose weight la, but hmm am I doing it wrong? Gotta figure out a more sustainable way for this.
I think I’m eating and drinking alright. Perhaps I need to be more consistent with my supplements. Trying out a “jamu” again. See if I feel stronger after a month of trying that.
And for my new year resolution, I think it’s working better now.
See something I’m not happy with.
Take really really deep deep deep breaths.
Blow out as much as I can (I replace blowing out with my lashing)
And then I talk to the kiddos that it’s not right to do something.
Very the drama, I know. Haha. But I’ll try anything la. I don’t want to end up with high blood pressure (if I continue scolding and nagging all the time). Heh
I think writing here during my leftover ML (LML) keeps me sane. Since Day 1 of LML, I’ve been dreading the final day. But writing here makes me reflect and think positively.
Today is the start of week 4, which means I’m going to be near the halfway mark. Reminds self: Don’t worry about what’s to come!
I’ve been working on my new year resolution. I think it went much better in Week 3. Less roaring and more gentle talking to the older duo. May this continue even when I start work again. Gonna be hard with the work load and the children chaos. 🤯
I don’t really fill my days with activities cos I don’t want to plan so much or commit myself to meeting people. WFH has made me a recluse! Wow! 😂
I think cos I know once I’m back to work, I’ll be talking and meeting people again, I wanna spend these few weeks by myself and the family only. This week alhamdullilah I managed to get my me time: a facial and tui na massage on 2 consecutive days! Thanks to MrF who took care of DiDi while I was away.
I’ve been regularly walking at least 3km each day. On good (in terms of exercise?) days that MrF is not around, I have to send and fetch the older duo myself by foot, it’ll be a total of 6km that day. Let’s hope my weight goes down down down! My aim is to feel “light” and happy. I think happy is alhamdullilah alright for me. What I mean for “light”, one can be heavy on the scale, but as long as one is healthy and able to carry own body easily, that is “light” to me. At the moment, I still feel a bit lethargic and tired when I walk long distance so I think my body is not “there” yet.
The DoubleFs Project 